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People said “life begins at 40” –

I remember back in time, Papa got a mug with that saying written on it. Couldn’t remember what was the occasion, but perhaps it was his 40th birthday, so if it was, it’s circa 1996, I was a teenager wondering how would life be when I am 40.

If we’re zooming-in to setbacks in lyfe – what setbacks would a teenager face in her life? Mine: unrequited love and only got ‘C’ for my final sport exam. Wait, what? Unrequited love?! Oh yes, baby! So yours truly here fell in love with this friend of mine, my class-mate, one that very excel in basketball, obviously everybody’s favorite, I suppose this was my first love experience. We were close, we would call each other almost every after school was over talking nonsense, discussing an episode of movie series we just watched, studying together and what have you. But one day, I found that he was in a relationship with a girl from other class. And I still remember how it broke me every time I saw them walking together at school. It appears that for him, I was not more than just friend. But as simple as life was at that time, I simply move along with my life despite these setbacks.

On my young-adult era, I experienced many things I could only shake my head right now remembering it:

I met a boy online thru MIRC chat room (ASL PLS – lol!), I remembered rushing back from school, turning my PC as soon as I got home, online, and smiled when saw his name was there. Then our conversations turned to daily and nightly phone calls, then we agreed to meet each others in person, it was at GBK, me accompanied by my girl squad, him with a friend. Then we went and spent some time at Blok M, couldn’t really remember what were we doing though. We ended our relationship not long after we met, turned out we were not really each other’s type, but I remember I liked his hand (!!), tipe tangan orang yang terawat gitu, bersih, banyak bulu halus, hehe.

After that one, I had this thing with 10-years older handsome boy. Oh hang on, before that I was with his friend, not really my type though, but I was too proud to proof that he liked me more than you, hey sister! That one ended pretty soon too. But with this 10 years older boy, oh man! We spent a lot of time together until the day he went abroad. We studied new language together. He said he wanted to take me to the new country. My folks didn’t approve, apparently the age-gap, not to mention the religion. I was devastated back then. As hard as I tried to live my life after that, well, here I am now, years later, no more sadness, no heartache, only good memories that I’d choose to cherish: he gave me 2 rings during our time, one from Jogjakarta when he went roadtrip with friends, another he bought for me before his departure, we spared an afternoon for ourselves, with mixed feelings. I didn’t know exactly why he bought me a ring, I was simply think it was just a token of remembrance from him. One day, after school, I received his email that (for sure) I printed out so I can read it over and over again, I smiled every time I reached the end part of his note: I Love You, in the new language we learned together. Another day, I received a package at school, it was from him. He did remember my birthday and sent me some stuffs he collated abroad for my birthday, there was a CD which songs still played in my playlist up to today (putting it up right now lol!) See, no more sadness, in fact, I am currently smiling ear to ear walking down this memory lane.

Basis of those experiences, I am pretty sure I can also pass this one sooner or later. I can sense that I am calmer facing my current setback. I know my worth. I am not tolerating anything less than my non-negotiable. Though it feels now like a slap on my face. But I know I’ll get over this 🙂

Chin up, bebe!